One Girl and Her Dog

2006-07-15T14:09:00.000Z

Aaargh, the heat!

Poor doggy always suffers in this weather, when we went up to Scotland we had to wrap her in a damp towel to cool her down, despite having the air con going full blast in the car or the windows open.

She's so restless, she'll go and lie on her bedding which we put outside in the nice weather, then she'll come indoors and find a cool spot, then go back out and lay in the sun and so on.

She still wants to go out for walks though, but when we take her she's too hot straight away and is always looking for some shade to hide under.

2006-07-07T21:34:00.000Z

We went to Scotland a few weeks ago and visited Loch Lomond. This is our normally water shy pooch enjoying a paddle in the loch. I was amazed, usually she won't go anywhere near water but she had the time of her life, it was baking hot though and we were all struggling to keep cool, I guess she found the best way.

2006-06-05T22:31:00.000Z

A Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese."

The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese."

She says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."

2006-05-28T21:33:00.000Z

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me ,sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour.

This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar:

"Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap. "

The next day the dog arrived with a different note pinned to his collar:

"He lives in a home with 10 children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep."

2006-05-21T00:10:00.000Z

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Rottweiler: Make me!

Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls.

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Mastiff: Screw it yourself! I'm not afraid of the dark...

Doberman: While it's out, I'll just take a nap on the couch.

Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs -- people change light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect my light again?

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?

2006-05-18T20:20:00.000Z

10 Dog Peeves About Humans

1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny ... not very funny at all!

2. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FREAKIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.

10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur?

2006-05-16T20:10:00.000Z

Where do pets come from?

It is reported that the following edition of the Book of Genesis was discovered in the Dead Sea Scrolls. If authentic, it would shed light on the question, "Where do pets come from?"

And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility."

And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam.

And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being.

And Adam learned humility.And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog wagged his tail.

And Cat did not care one way or the other.

2006-05-14T21:56:00.000Z

Letter to My Pets:

When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in my way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. All other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing your paw print in the middle of MY plate and food does not stake a claim making it YOUR plate and food.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help in your quest to reach the bottom first, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is notnecessary to sleep perpendicular to one another, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge of the door and try to pull it open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Honest.

Also, I have been using the bathroom by myself for quite some time--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

I can't stress this one enough -- kiss me, THEN go smell the otherdog's/cat's behind.

Your owner

2006-05-04T18:43:00.000Z

The picnic never happened, it was far too cold and windy for that, the food would have blown away. We did take her for a walk though and a kickabout with one of her tennis balls, which she loved.

Today we've had a thunderstorm so I cranked up the speakers on my PC to drown out the noise and sat holding her until it went, it's the only way to stop her shaking and doing damage as she tries to find a safe place to hide.

2006-04-30T12:16:00.000Z

Resting in anticipation of tomorrow's May day picnic. It was her eighth birthday this week and the picnic's partly to celebrate that and partly to take her somewhere new where she can run around - or sit and watch us eat with a longing in her eyes, which is more likely.

2006-04-25T20:20:00.000Z

Name of Breed Nickname of Breed

A
Affenpinscher The Moustached Little Devil
Afghan Hound Hound of the Pharaohs and Cavemen
Airedale Terrier Dog from the Valley of Aire
Akita The Most Venerated
Alaskan Husky The Sled Racer
Alaskan Klee Kai A Rare Breed
Alaskan Malamute The Artic Dog
Alsatian The German Shepherd Dog
American Cocker Spaniel The American with a British Heritage
American Eskimo Dog The Performer
American Foxhound The Pilgrim Father's Dog
American Staffordshire Terrier King of the Fighting Pits
American Water Spaniel The Great Lakes Dog
Anatolian Shepherd Dog The Wolf Hunter
Australian Cattle Dog The Heeler
Australian Kelpie Sheep Dog Water Sprite
Australian Shepherd The Basque Shepherd Dog
Australian Terrier National Terrier of Australia

B
Bandog The American Bandogge
Basenji The Bark-less Dog
Basset Hound The French Aristocrat
Beagle The Snoopy Dog
Bearded Collie Olde English Dog
Beauceron Berger de Beauce
Bedlington Terrier The Lamb-like Dog
Belgian Malinois Bred in Malines
Belgian Sheepdog World War I Hero
Belgian Tervuren The Tervuren Village Dog
Bernese Mountain Dog The Berne Herdsman's Dog
Bichon Frise The Curly Lap Dog
Black and Tan Coonhound The Raccoon Raider
Black Russian Terrier A Bull Baiter
Bloodhound The Sleuthhound
Boerboel Dog of the Boers
Border Collie The Trainers Dream Dog
Border Terrier The Head of an Otter
Borzoi Sighthound of the Russian Czars
Boston Terrier The American Gentleman among Dogs
Bouvier des Flandres The Strong Guy
Boxer The Fighter
Briard The Emperor Charlemagne's Dog
Brittany Epagneul Breton
Brussels Griffon Hansom Cab Stable Dogs
Bull Terrier The White Cavalier
Bulldog The British Bull Baiter
Bullmastiff Poachers Beware

C
Cairn Terrier Toto, in the Wizard of Oz
Canaan Dog from the Land of Canaan
Canary Dog The Canary Islands Dog of Prey
Cardigan Welsh Corgi Dog of the Celts
Cavalier King Charles Spaniel The Merry Monarch's Dog
Chesapeake Bay Retriever The Strongest Swimmer
Chihuahua The Smallest Dog in the World
Chinese Crested A Hairless Dog or a Powder Puff !
Chinese Foo Dog Mascot of the Tongs
Chinese Shar-pei Chinese Fighting Dog
Chow Chow The Dog with the Black Tongue
Clumber Spaniel French Revolution Emigre
Collie The Lassie Star
Curly-Coated Retriever The Gamekeeper's Dog

D
Dachshund The Hot Dog
Dalmatian Immortalised by Disney
Dandie Dinmont Terrier Sir Walter Scott's Inspiration
Doberman Pinscher The Tax Collectors Dog
Dogue de Bordeaux French Mastiff

E
English Cocker Spaniel Hunter of Woodcock Pigeons
English Foxhound Favourite of the English Aristocracy
English Setter The Dog who Sits
English Springer Spaniel The Quarry Springers
English Toy Spaniel Lapdog of Mary, Queen of Scots

F
Field Spaniel The Field Worker
Finnish Spitz Barking Bird Dog of Finland
Flat-Coated Retriever Natural Water Dog
French Bulldog The Toy Bulldog

G
German Pinscher Saved from Extinction
German Shepherd Dog The Alsatian Wolf Dog
German Shorthaired Pointer The Short Haired Dog
German Wirehaired Pointer The Leading Pointer Dog
Giant Schnauzer The Small Beard
Glen of Imaal Terrier The Turnspit Dog
Golden Retriever The World's Most Popular Dog
Gordon Setter Gun Dog of Scotland
Great Dane The Gentle Giant
Great Pyrenees The Court Dog of France
Greater Swiss Mountain Dog The "Swissy"
Greyhound The Fastest Dog on Earth

H
Harrier The Hare Hunter
Havanese The Dog from Havana
Hovawart Farm Watchdog

I
Ibizan Hound Sighthound of Hannibal
Irish Setter A Victorian Favorite
Irish Terrier The Racy Terrier
Irish Water Spaniel The Tallest Spaniel
Irish Wolfhound War Dog of Irish Chieftains
Italian Greyhound Gaze Hound of European Royalty

J
Jack Russell Terrier The Scamp
Japanese Spitz The Pure White Dog

K
Keeshond The Dutch Barge Dog
Kerry Blue Terrier County Kerry Beauty
Komondor The Ultimate Sheep Dog
Kuvasz The Dog of the Magyars

L
Labrador Retriever The Fisherman's Friend
Lakeland Terrier The Showman
Leonberger The Lion-like Dog
Lhasa Apso The Sacred Dog of Tibet
Louisiana Catahoula Leopard Dog The Leopard-like Dog
Lowchen The Little Lion Dog

M
Maltese Prized Dog of Malta
Manchester Terrier (Standard) The Cat-like Dog
Manchester Terrier (Toy) The Rat Killer
Maremma The Italian Sheepdog
Mastiff War Dog and Gladiator
Miniature Bull Terrier The Gladiator of Terriers
Miniature Pinscher The Mini Pin
Miniature Schnauzer Small Beard

N
Neapolitan Mastiff The Dog of the Romans
New Guinea Singing Dog Gazehound of New Guinea
Newfoundland The Landseer Dog
Norfolk Terrier The Demon
Norwegian Elkhound War Dog of the Vikings
Norwich Terrier The "Jones" Terrier
Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever The Splasher!

O
Old English Sheepdog The "Bobtail"
Otterhound The Otter's Foe

P
Papillon The "Butterfly" Dog
Parson Russell Terrier The Minister's Scamp
Patterdale Terrier The Fell Terrier
Pekingese The Lion Dog - Sacred Symbol of Buddha
Pembroke Welsh Corgi The Tiny dog of the Celts
Petit Basset Griffon Vendeen Small Dog with the Big Name
Pharaoh Hound Sighthound of the Pharaohs
Plott Mr. Plott's Dog!
Pointer The Bird Locator
Polish Lowland Sheepdog The Nizinny
Pomeranian Poms or Puffballs
Poodle The Stylish Breed
Portuguese Water Dog Trawler Crew Member
Pug The Dog of Kings & Monks
Puli The Hungarian Water Dog

R
Rat Terrier The Ratter
Redbone Coonhound The Treeing Red Dog
Rhodesian Ridgeback The Lion Dog
Rottweiler Marched with the Romans

S
Saint Bernard The Saviour of Lost Travellers
Saluki Sacred Dog of the Sumerian Empire
Samoyed The Dog with the Smiling Face
Schipperke Little Captain
Scottish Deerhound Royal Dog of Scotland
Scottish Terrier The Scotty Dog
Sealyham Terrier The Mystery Dog
Shetland Sheepdog The Sheltie
Shiba Inu The Brushwood Dog
Shih Tzu The Chrysanthemum Dog
Shikoku The Most Venerated
Siberian Husky The Team Racer
Silky Terrier The Sydney Silky
Skye Terrier Greyfriars Bobby
Smooth Fox Terrier The Adventurer
Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier The Teddy Bear
Spinone Italiano Italian Renaissance Pointer
Staffordshire Bull Terrier The Nanny Dog
Standard Schnauzer The Rat Catcher
Sussex Spaniel The Flusher

T
Thai Ridgeback The Thailand Spitz
Tibetan Mastiff A War Dog
Tibetan Spaniel The Prayer Dog
Tibetan Terrier The "Good Luck" Dog
Tosa Inu Dog from Tosa
Toy Fox Terrier The AmerToy

V
Vizsla The Hungarian Pointer

W
Weimaraner The Forester's Dog
Welsh Springer Spaniel Dog of the Celts
Welsh Terrier The Loveable Rogue
West Highland White Terrier The Westie
Whippet The Snap Dog
Wire Fox Terrier The Live Wire
Wirehaired Pointing Griffon The Rough Coat

Y
Yorkshire Terrier The Yorkies

2006-04-20T11:06:00.000Z

After all this time I have rediscovered the secret to a dog's true happiness - how could I ever forget it?

All you need is a rubber ball with a bell inside.

Oh the hours of her wearing herself out, with a little help from us throwing it, followed by the hours of sleep recovering, while we get some peace!

She has many balls, solid rubber, tennis balls (which she runs after once then tears all the fuzz off), footballs for a kickabout in the park, but the rubber ball with a bell is definitely the one must have.

2006-04-19T20:33:00.000Z

The Cat, the Rat and Lovell our Dog,
Rule all England under a Hog

The Cat was Sir Thomas Catesby. The Rat was Sir William Ratcliffe of Ordsall Hall. The Dog was Thomas, Lord Lovell ( Lovell's emblem was a talbot, a now-extinct breed of hunting hound). The Hog was Richard III ( his emblem was a white boar). The couplet refers to the fact that this hated trio of men enjoyed enormous power and influence in the reign of the equally disliked King Richard III.

2006-04-17T21:23:00.000Z

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor doggie a bone,
When she got there
The cupboard was bare
So the poor little doggie had none.

Origins of Old Mother Hubbard lyrics in British history The Old Mother Hubbard referred to in this rhyme's words allude to the famous Cardinal Wolsey. Cardinal Thomas Wolsey was the most important statesman and churchman of the Tudor history period in 16th century England. Cardinal Wolsey proved to be a faithful servant but displeased the King, Henry VIII, by failing to facilitate the King's divorce from Queen Katherine of Aragon who had been his queen of many years. The reason for seeking the divorce and hence the creation of the Old Mother Hubbard poem was to enable him to marry Anne Boleyn with whom he was passionately in love. In the Old Mother Hubbard song King Henry was the "doggie" and the "bone" refers to the divorce (and not money as many believe) The cupboard relates to the Catholic Church although the subsequent divorce arranged by Thomas Cramner resulted in the break with Rome and the formation of the English Protestant church and the demise of Old Mother Hubbard - Cardinal Wolsey.

2006-04-15T23:51:00.000Z

Hark hark the dogs do bark
The beggars are coming to town
Some in rags and some in tags
And one in a velvet gown.

A sinister tale - "Hark, hark the dogs do bark" rhyme dates back to 13th century England. The origin of "Hark, hark the dogs do bark", reflected in the words, is seeped in history. Wandering minstrels or troubadours and beggars went from city to town singing their songs (some in rags and some in tags and one in a velvet gown) Messages of dissent to the common people were often found in secret meanings to the words of their ballads and rhymes. The famous Peasant's Revolt of 1377 against the state was encouraged and inflamed by the rhyme that went "When Adam delved and Eve span - who was then the gentleman?" In this way the propaganda of the day was safely passed from one community to another. These secret messages could lead to plots and uprisings against the royalty, clergy and politicians of the day. Strangers were never trusted in communities. Dogs barking alerted the townspeople to strangers in their area, hence the words "Hark, hark the dogs do bark ..."

2006-04-12T00:50:00.000Z

My furry friend is definitely a creature of habit.

She has to have a rodeo and dentastix for breakfast after her first trip to the yard, then at night she has to have a dried sausage before bed. If we forget to give them to her she sits and barks at her 'treat tin' until she gets them.

When I've been to the shop and brought home a carrier bag, her nose is straight in there looking for her customary scotch egg, although I've started buying smaller ones in a multipack and keeping them in the fridge now.

2006-04-09T23:52:00.000Z

As much as I love my dog, for the love of god I wish she'd just shut up for a minute!

She's been out, fed, watered, played with, it's as bad as having a baby!

2006-04-09T05:28:00.000Z

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids...They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink. You don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, they don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - - - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.

2006-04-09T01:46:00.000Z

My fat and lazy pooch is now completely exhausted. We've had my partner's 18 year old son and his friend staying over with us and they've been playing constantly with her. It took her a full day's sleep to recover!

2006-04-04T21:37:00.000Z

There is sorrow enough in the natural way
From men and women to fill our day;
And when we are certain of sorrow in store,
Why do we always arrange for more?
Brother and Sisters, I bid you beware
Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.

Buy a pup and your money will buy
Love unflinching that cannot lie --
Perfect passion and worship fed
By a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head.
Nevertheless it is hardly fair
To risk your heart for a dog to tear.

When the fourteen years which Nature permits
Are closing in asthma, or tumour, or fits,
And the vet's unspoken prescription runs
To lethal chambers or loaded guns,
Then you will find -- it's your own affair --
But . . . you've given your heart to a dog to tear.

When the body that lived at your single will,
With its whimper of welcome, is stilled (how still!);
When the spirit that answered your every mood
Is gone -- wherever it goes -- for good,
You will discover how much you care,
And will give your heart to a dog to tear.

We've sorrow enough in a natural way,
When it come to burying Christian clay.
Our loves are not given, but only lent,
At compound interest of cent per cent.
Though it is not always the case, I believe,
That the longer we've kept 'em, the more do we grieve:
For, when debts are payable, right or wrong,
A short-time loan is as bad as a long --
So why in Heaven (before we are there)
Should we give our hearts to a dog to tear?

Rudyard Kipling

2006-04-04T07:06:00.000Z

Does anybody else's dog get jealous when they feed the ducks?

Mine is, just of some bread that's a day or two old.......................

2006-04-02T19:47:00.000Z

This is my rather large and lazy pooch

2006-04-02T10:59:00.000Z

You

You are a hairy fleabag.

You never do a stitch of work.

You lick the faces of complete strangers with the sole intention of underlining my own social inhibitions.

Sometimes you smell like old red wine, a bouquet of damp fur.

Not only are you colour-blind, you also cannot tell the difference between a carpet and a couch.

You pretend that you find the word "no" incomprehensible.

You insist on sharing your unmelodious bark with the entire neighbourhood.

For some reason, you are afraid of statues.

Statues just freak you out.

You are utterly shameless.

You are the laziest, dirtiest, most stubborn and presumptious thing I have ever known in my entire life,

and I think you're perfect.

It's a dog thing.

2006-04-02T09:43:00.000Z

I would love to hear any stories about people and their dogs.

I have always had dogs and found them to be very rewarding and loving companions.

2006-04-02T09:26:00.000Z

Hi to anybody who sees this!